She drove past the cemetery almost daily, now that the boys’ swim team practiced at the YMCA instead of at the Country Club. It was a part of town she wasn’t used to, but soon she’d know each bump and pothole as she made the drive back and forth four times a day taking them to and from their two-a-days.
She always noticed the green tents above fresh graves. The ones overflowing with mourners were sad, but the empty ones were almost devastating. The freshly dug hole waiting. Or the freshly buried body, already alone. Somehow the empty tents made her ache: A quick stab to the heart, and a dull throb in the empty spot in her belly.
The other thing she always noticed during the drive through this different part of town was how much it reminded her of her childhood home. No sidewalks or even curbs, so the grass grew right up over the lip of the street; small, tired houses alternately faded or freshly painted; overgrown yards hemmed by chain link fences – if hemmed at all. One day driving past, her son asked why people would even have “those metal fences.” In their part of town each measured square was defined by eight foot wooden privacy fences. Probably the chain link is cheaper than privacy fences, she mused. And her son wondered if maybe here people didn’t feel such a need to hide.
Another day, on the way home past the cemetery, her son mentioned that his friend from school had said that his grandparents were buried in that cemetery there. For a quick moment she envied him. A life led in one town where you could bury those you love near enough to visit. Her own father was buried many hundreds of miles away, close to her mother. But in later years, when she lay next to him, who would visit the two of them? She pushed the thought aside, but not before her hand slipped unconsciously to her flat lower belly.
If she could have been conscious of her chain of thoughts instead of hiding them away, burying them so deep, she would know that they shouldn’t be connected. Empty funeral tents and unvisited graves had nothing to do with the miscarried baby. A baby too tiny for a burial. Driving fast, she hit a large pothole hard, at the same time as she felt the familiar squeeze of her heart but by then she couldn’t remember why she was suddenly so sad.

Elizabeth Heiselt
Stephanie Robertson
Avery Fellow
Shem Greenwood
Jenna Chidester
Mari Murdock
Bremen McKinney
6 comments
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July 2, 2010 at 12:16 pm
shalowhi
A quick note: As you can probably tell from this, I am a little weak in the fiction department. I decided that I wanted to try a little short story, and it ended up quite autobiographical (though not completely — for one thing, sorry Dad!). This seems also to be just a fragment, but I’m not sure if there is any more to tell. Let me know what you think. Does it have any merit on its own? Is it part of a larger story? Be honest, I can take it!
July 2, 2010 at 7:35 pm
stephanie robertson
I like it on it’s own leaving us a little haunted and wanting more- but would also love to see it as a longer piece too. I have often had the same thoughts about if I would be buried here so far away from family… or in the town I grew up where my husband and children would almost never go if I died…
I love it when a piece stirs these personal reflections.
Sure this piece could do with a little more… or maybe just a little tightening up (she is in there an awful lot, but then again, it gives the piece a mysteriousness and ties it all together too) but overall a strong start for someone wanting to get more into fiction.
I find it near impossible to leave myself out of fiction… there is always something in there that I hope my mother or old friend or even husband can’t see right through.
Write what you know- right?
July 3, 2010 at 11:52 pm
bremferd
Beautiful beautiful beautiful ideas!
This could stand alone, or could be used in something longer in the future. And I certainly hope that we all grow enough to at least attempt a longer work later on!
I think that fiction is often a way to put our realities into a different context so that we can manage them better. It’s good for us, keep doing it.
The part about the fences is a great idea, but I had to read it through a couple of times to get it. In my opinion, it could be clearer.
‘Probably the chain link is cheaper than privacy fences…’ was one phrase that tripped me up.
I’m so glad that people are writing again!
July 4, 2010 at 9:27 pm
lizzie
I really enjoyed this and agree that it can stand on its own, but I can also see it as part of a collection of similarly themed/toned stories. You could probably guess that I would love that kind of thing — fiction that feels like fact and deals with mother/family themes. And I really connected with the ending feeling — the somewhat inexplicable sadness.
July 8, 2010 at 4:42 am
Shem Greenwood
I agree with everyone when they said that the piece doesn’t need much expanding, but that it certainly has potential to be great if you did build on it.
Whatever you do, I would keep the subtlety of the miscarriage revelation. It’s the best part. You deal with these ideas surrounding death, but her hand going reflexively to her “flat lower belly” gives a perfectly subdued hint to the reader that the narrator has a personal issue just beneath the surface. If you did expand, that’s where I would do it… move on to something else so you leave the reader guessing for a while about the miscarriage thing.
I also really like the fence analogy and think it could be expanded and clarified a bit. Tons of potential there.
I’m not the expert, but I think some punctuation could be reworked throughout.
Great fiction always has a piece of you in it, whether it’s obvious or not. Thanks for the post.
July 10, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Dale B, Robertson
This did what fiction is supposed to do–make your mind spin off in important directions. Your cemetary references and its sense of place is always profound. The other day I read (Ann Landers?) of somewne that was upset about family members that wanted to divide up the ashes of a departed one. Ashes evoke a whole different set of emotions and now I understand (thanks to this story) that they upset the sense of place, scattering especially.